Mistakes to Avoid: Part 1

As I have said before, I’ve made quite a few mistakes already in the process of wedding planning.  I’m sure that there will be more to come.  In fact, I share my mistakes because they are probably the more important information that I have to share!

My first mistake was not adequately gauging my parents’ desire to be involved in wedding planning.  When I was growing up my parents had a very hands-off approach to parenting-they will tell you this themselves.  They weren’t planners of birthday parties, they never picked out my clothes or did my hair, and they never helped me with homework.  I liked this and I think that it enabled me to grow up to be pretty independent.  I knew straight off that I wouldn’t be going gown shopping with my mom, or really visiting with any vendor with my mom.  Part of this is the nature of our relationship, but a lot of it also has to do with distance from my parents and time constraints.

Because my parents and I have always had this kind of relationship I just assumed that they would want to be very hands-off with the wedding.  And for the most part, they have been.  Mom didn’t really have any desire to take on any of the planning and she didn’t care that I purchased my dress without her.  There were things that they would have liked to have been more involved in, though.  I found this out later…

I think that my mother is still disappointed that we are having a winter wedding and that the wedding is in Chapel Hill and not my hometown.  There were very sound reasons that we made both of these decisions and mom understands them, but I think that if I had discussed things with her more to begin with that mom would be happier with the decision.  As the planning has progressed I am realizing that there are things that mom wants to be involved with.  She wants to help pick out flowers and she wants to help address invitations. She also just wants to feel valued in the process.  As we were on our way to register for gifts I called for advice.  She didn’t really have a lot of advice to give but I could tell that it made her feel valued to have me call and ask for her input.

So if I could do it over again, I would have communicated better with my parents from the beginning.  I would have figured out their expectations and desires for the wedding and discussed them openly.  I have realized that you can never really make assumptions about a person’s desire to be involved in something as important as a wedding and that you should always make sure that communication is open.

Everything turned out alright and no feelings were hurt, but I do think that mom would have felt like her ideas and contributions were more valued if I had consulted with her more.